Monday, October 25, 2010

My Son

My Logan's story didn't start out like a mom would plan for her son. The first 3 years of his life had him living in situations he shouldn't be in. Those years held alot of insecurity and fear and violence...things a child shouldn't hear or see or feel. I remember when I first met him how tough he looked...how hard he was trying to appear like this whole entire situation wasn't breaking his heart. I remember after a few days seeing him softening and realizing how much he longed for acceptance and to be loved without condition. It took a long time for him to feel that. It took awhile to crack his tough exterior and for him to allow his defenses to be torn down...to realize that he was safe here and we weren't going anywhere. It was months before we realized that our Logan has one of the best giggles your ears could ever hear. He is a new kid. It amazes me what the love of a family can offer to a child that has none. It is amazing how far love and security and stability and structure can go in shaping the soul of a child. I remember my son's flat look on his face when we met. I remember the hardness and darkness of his eyes. I remember worrying if there was enough love in the world to change that. For the past year and a half we have comforted and we've loved and we didn't leave him through all his testing the limits. We have acted silly and danced and sang and corrected and disciplined and loved some more. We have prayed countless hours. We have held and hugged and wiped and cleaned and this boy, this lovely lovely boy began to trust us. He began to let his guard down and be silly too. He began to freely give affection and flourish. He began to learn again and feel proud of his accomplishments. He began to grow and pray and live. He began to love us and feel God's love for him. Only our God can do that. Only our God can pick two broken children off the streets of our city and place them in our crazy, loud, loving home and make us a family. Only God can heal these children. And although I know our journey is not over, I know our God is with us. I know my son knows that and it brings me so much joy. My friend took this picture of Logan last week at her home while we were visiting. It makes me weep. Thank you, Jen, for this gift. All of these thoughts, these memories.....they are all in this picture for me. Only our God can turn that boy I met a year and a half ago in to this boy now...

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