Monday, October 25, 2010

My Son

My Logan's story didn't start out like a mom would plan for her son. The first 3 years of his life had him living in situations he shouldn't be in. Those years held alot of insecurity and fear and violence...things a child shouldn't hear or see or feel. I remember when I first met him how tough he looked...how hard he was trying to appear like this whole entire situation wasn't breaking his heart. I remember after a few days seeing him softening and realizing how much he longed for acceptance and to be loved without condition. It took a long time for him to feel that. It took awhile to crack his tough exterior and for him to allow his defenses to be torn down...to realize that he was safe here and we weren't going anywhere. It was months before we realized that our Logan has one of the best giggles your ears could ever hear. He is a new kid. It amazes me what the love of a family can offer to a child that has none. It is amazing how far love and security and stability and structure can go in shaping the soul of a child. I remember my son's flat look on his face when we met. I remember the hardness and darkness of his eyes. I remember worrying if there was enough love in the world to change that. For the past year and a half we have comforted and we've loved and we didn't leave him through all his testing the limits. We have acted silly and danced and sang and corrected and disciplined and loved some more. We have prayed countless hours. We have held and hugged and wiped and cleaned and this boy, this lovely lovely boy began to trust us. He began to let his guard down and be silly too. He began to freely give affection and flourish. He began to learn again and feel proud of his accomplishments. He began to grow and pray and live. He began to love us and feel God's love for him. Only our God can do that. Only our God can pick two broken children off the streets of our city and place them in our crazy, loud, loving home and make us a family. Only God can heal these children. And although I know our journey is not over, I know our God is with us. I know my son knows that and it brings me so much joy. My friend took this picture of Logan last week at her home while we were visiting. It makes me weep. Thank you, Jen, for this gift. All of these thoughts, these memories.....they are all in this picture for me. Only our God can turn that boy I met a year and a half ago in to this boy now...

The week since our adoption has been filled with little moments of stability and hope and total unabandoned love and bonding. I didn't realize that it wasn't that all along but something does seem a bit different. I think it's just the fact that I can breathe. The part that is amazing to me is that Perri and Logan seem to get it too...in subtle ways...I've seen a change.



They have both been cuddly and affectionate with us for a very long time but for the past year and a half, Perri has never, not one time, come to me at night in bed and asked to sleep with me. Now for anyone I know with a toddler, that is WAY out of the ordinary and especially for this momma who nightly has to walk her five year old back to bed after our nightly little snuggle. Now, Perri is a good sleeper so I never really thought about it but last week, the night after the adoption, she came to me in the middle of the night and said she wanted to just be with me! I nearly cried. Well come on in, girl! And there she stayed in the crook of my arm till morning. Total peace.

Logan did it last night. We used to lay in bed with them until they fell asleep when they first came to help bond with them and to just allow them to feel safe and secure. Logan used to wake with horrible nightmares and screaming and crying but he doesn't do that anymore. But last night he crawled in with us and settled in to Trevor's arm and then mine and the other little arm was reached out to touch the other one of us as if he just needed to know we both were there. We are. And we're not going anywhere, little man.

So thankful for our forever family. So thankful for God's blessings on us all.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I have an announcement to make!!!!!

Sorry for the long break....I have a long list of blogs in my head to write since I've been missing in action for so long. Our computer has been down and is being repaired. I rigged up an old computer that I've been meaning to set up for the kids so I'm currently posting this on a monitor the size of one of those little mini cooper cars. BUT, I just had to get on here and post the most important news for you all to hear......the reason why this blog started in the first place.

It is with full hearts that we announce the adoption of Perriana Joy and Logan Gideon into our forever family. Born December 1 2006 and November 24 2005, placed in our hearts and hands May 31 2009, and forever home October 12th 2010!

We are thrilled beyond measure and so very thankful for the amazing support and prayers of our family and friends. Our God has held us through the past year and a half. Our God has provided and encouraged and caught each tear. Our God has created this family and we are so very humbled by this call on our lives. Thank you for going on the journey with us. Thank you for each call, email, text of encouragement....for every meal, gift card, clothes handed down and the countless prayers. Thank you for letting me cry and complain and process this tornado of emotions. You bless me immensely.

Adoption is funny in that along with this immeasurable joy and celebration, their is an element of loss that can't be ignored. Thinking often of MOM and so very thankful for her choice of life. The kids are thrilled and there have been tons of hugs and laughter and talks about what this means....but I can tell that Perri and Logan also understands that this new security and permanency with us means something else entirely with MOM. This journey has been so well worth it and will continue to teach us all for years to come I'm sure.

I am so proud of my husband. So amazed at the way he parents and loves. So thankful for his obedience to our God...no matter how crazy it seems. I am proud of our children....the originals and their willingness to share absolutely everything, including mom and dad....and the new two...
and their ability to move forward, to trust and love and be vulnerable....their resiliency is to be marveled at.

We are so excited for this next part of our journey and to settle in to this wonderful place of stability. I am officially the mother of five. I like the way that sounds!

More to come......