Got a call from my dear friend at Safe Families today. MOM had called her and she wanted to let me know. I cannot explain the feeling I get when I hear those words over the phone. The reason both saddens me and brings me peace at the same time. She called to see how the children were...if they were happy and healthy. I felt happy for them that she took an interest. She also called to tell her to tell us thank you. She expressed her gratitude that they were with a loving family and safe and secure. She has fallen on hard times again. She was feeling confident in her choice. This news makes me feel relief a bit....not that she continues to struggle but that the kids aren't with her while she does...Again. Relief that she knows her decision was truly in their best interest and that it was the only one to stop the cycle of generational dysfunction for them. It also brings me a great sadness that is hard to put in words. She was able to hold down a job for the past 9 months for the first time ever. The company closed so she lost her job. She was sick and in the hospital for a bit and her purse was stolen with her cell phone and all of her identification. She lost her apartment. Can't get a job because she has no ID...not even her birth certificate. She is on the streets again. Tonight, P and L would be with her. On the streets. Thank you, Jesus, that they are not. That they are both tucked tightly into their warm beds with their stuffed animals all around them and they are safe. Thank you, Jesus.
My friend at Safe Families helped her to order her Birth Certificate and passed on some ideas for a job. MOM wanted to make sure we were all still praying for her. She is still going to church. The thought that this young lady is out on the streets, that the woman that chose life for my children is sleeping where violence is common and she is alone makes me feel physically sick. The fact that her issues are deeper than I can even begin to fix or comprehend brings me frustration with my limitations. The idea that she gave them to us for a chance at life makes me thankful. The hope I have in the love of Jesus makes me weep. I pray for her nightly. I pray for her tonight face down on the ground. I have prayed for her since the beginning for a friend that she can trust that will take her under her wing and show her how to do life. I'm not sure she is capable of it. I don't know. I am so so sad for her. I feel helpless that I cannot do more. I feel angry at our broken world and that when a child grows up without a family, this is all too often the result and then it starts all over again. I am grateful that she believes in Jesus and will someday have healing in Heaven that she can't seem to find here on Earth.
I do not know why this is the story of two of my children. I do not know why their lives have began with such pain but I do know that they will have an opportunity to use it for His glory and I pray that it is just a small part of their testimony someday. I pray their story will bring others to see the gift of Jesus and how we are all adopted into His family, and how their adoption into ours is just the beginning.
Please pray for MOM.