I've always thought of myself as kind of adventurous or spontaneous. I've realized as I get older I have used it as a glamorous way to say I have ADD. If you have spoken with me for longer than five minutes you know this. I am a bit of a free spirit maybe it's because I could rock the gypsie look. I am at home in long skirts and flip flops. God in His infinite wisdom or warped sense of humor has joined this woman with the most unspontaneous man you will ever find. Doing something last minute by the seat of your pants makes my husband twitch. He plans to be spontaneous. Then our all Sovereign God tells me I need five children because we all know how easy it is to be spontaneous with a huge family! I'm starting to think God knows I need somethings to reign me in or who knows where I'd be. Usually this balance between Trevor and I results in funny little heartwarming scenarios. Other times it has me passing out his digits to the single ladies. I kid. It's a good balance.
See, I'm already digressing. Focus. Focus. I will give you an example of my ability or inability to stay on point. I was talking to one of my best friends in Meijer the other day. Trevor and I are standing there talking to her in the pasta aisle and mid sentence I notice the whole grain Mac n Cheese behind her and mention it and pick up my story right where I left off. Isn't that normal?! Who couldv'e possibly NOT noticed the Mac n Cheese. She and my husband teased me about it. Neither of them praised me for my sharp skills of observance!
I frequently will start cleaning the house and if I forget one supply and have to leave the room I am cleaning to get it, I often will find project B waiting for me and have to complete it before I get back to cleaning. It's not unusual to find the vacuum sitting in the family room and me cleaning the glass in the next room that I noticed needed cleaning as I bent over to plug in the vacuum and the horror of the fingerprints gets me offcourse.
My mind is constantly like something you would see in a movie. It is the reason I am so easily overstimulated. (Yes, I realize how funny that sounds coming from the mother of 5) Right now our ceiling fan is whirring and it seems spinning faster than I'm sure a setting would allow. The chatter of my children is loud and their mouths appear to move in slow motion as the whining is heard as well as Tom and Jerry on the television. I hear the dog's breathing and the neighbor mowing the yard. I smell the lavendar I clipped from the yard that is sitting in a vase on the table a room away and I can see every little blade of grass that the kid's feet dragged in from playing outside yesterday that I haven't gotten around to vacuuming up yet. All the while my homemade pedicure is driving me crazy because the little design I attempted is slightly askew. I have issues. It is genetic. I have diagnosed 4 of the 6 of us siblings with ADD. It could be argued that 5 of us have it. And only one of us 'medicates' for it and it is only legally considered 'medication' in 14 states.
You can even see it in my writing. I know it is not grammatically correct the way I write and that these things........that I love......these little dots I can just type out allow space for my random interrupted thoughts to flow. What would I do with normal punctuation? What about this is normal?
These creative genius, raw passion, adventurous, life loving spontaneous qualities have just turned out to be a smidge of mental illness. It isn't worry or stress that keeps me up at night. It is these random thoughts that pop into my mind. I usually have to write them on the paper I keep next to the bed so I can spew them out and get back to the task at hand--Sleep! This entire blog was written that way at 4a.m. with the light of the bathroom seeping underneath the doorway so I wouldn't wake my very non-ADD husband. If you could see the sheet of paper you would laugh. No one in their right mind could follow it. It isn't neatly written from top to bottom left to right. It has little groupings of thoughts at all kinds of angles, some printed some cursive and looks like the ramblings of a mad scientist. Maybe I could rock the Albert Einstein hairdo! No wonder I can't stay organized. So anyway, there you have it. The authentic slightly off center me.
Time to get started with this day. I had something to do. Oh yeh, call a therapist;) Now where can I get one of these suits?