Friday, May 28, 2010

One year!

Monday marks one year. One year ago that a scared, angry little three year old boy walked through our door and pierced my heart forever. One year ago that a smiling, looking for approval little two year bounced into my arms and right into my heart. One year ago.

(this is where they spent much of the first two weeks completely terrified of Wally)

I looked back on my entry from then and laughed at my naivety. I thought it might be a few weeks until we were a forever family...a few months tops. All in God's time. For one year I have loved these children as if they were my own. They have called me Mommy and I call them my children. For one year now, I have never really been sure if they would legally become mine. On June 7th, it is my prayer that they will. One year later. Some people try for years to become pregnant and have a child. Some people wait years trying to adopt. We are blessed.

I would not change a day of the past year. I have learned so much from them. I have tried to gather the intricacies of this experience and soak out the fruit from them. I have tried to trust God and love big and be selfless and praise Him in the anyhows. Somedays I have failed. Somedays I believe I have honored God and somedays we have just survived. I have tried to be Jesus with skin on to their first mom....even though she is not able to trust or believe or do. I have tried. At times in the past year, I have hoped for a fairy tale ending when she comes back fully healthy and able to love them so that they don't hurt for her like they do. At times I have selfishly wanted to never hear from her again so that these two children I have fallen hopelessly in love with will be ours. And everyday. Every. Single.Day. I have realized they are neither of ours. They our God's children and He has entrusted them to us. He has trusted me with their hopes and hearts and it is not something I will ever take lightly.

I cannot believe how much they have changed.

L has become an inquisitive child that laughs openly and often and is affectionate and determined. He has worked hard to catch up on some developmental delays and will start pre-school in the Fall.

P has quit climbing into every ones laps and realizes I am her mommy and there is no need to attach to everyone we see! She is super smart and sassy and makes us laugh all the time. She is sensitive like her brother and they both want to please. They have taken this family by storm. They have given of themselves and let us in and they have worked so hard to trust us. I am forever grateful for their resiliency and fight. I cannot remember what life was like before them and I cannot wait until the fear of finding out is a distant memory.

I am beyond proud of the originals, of their heart for the fatherless. Once a week one of them asks if we can adopt more. I believe fully that God called our entire family to this and our three have answered with a resounding yes.

It's a different thing, this loving someone elses child. It's been a bit of a tightrope act at times and a roller coaster of emotions. But it is exactly what God has asked us to do and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else with anyone else. I cannot wait until this feeling of being up in the air is behind us and the legal definition of our family matches what has been in our hearts for one year.

My heart is full. Full with five beautiful babies. Full of God's grace and mercy. Full of His abundant blessings upon our family. Full of a father that leads this home and shows our children daily what a daddy looks like. Full of friends and family that have opened their hearts and homes to these two children alongside us and offered us every support imaginable. Full of thanks.

One year ago. One year ago my life changed forever. Thank you, God.

1 comment:

Beautiful Mess said...

WOW! 1 year...

I am so grateful...

and as we get ready to take our orientation to foster care...I am thankful I have someone who has been there in my corner!


God bless! Praying for 6-7-10