Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Cause I love her.

I am hurting for my L tonight. He never has trouble sleeping. He hasn't called out for me since the first weeks he came to live here. I heard him calling for me tonight and went to check on him and he was upset. I asked him what was wrong and he said he missed MOM. I scooped him up and sat on the floor with him in my arms and I asked him why he thought he missed her so much today and the tears started flowing and he simply answered, "Cause I love her."

"Cause I love her."

Cause. I. Love. Her.

This is why I tried so hard for so long to give her a chance. This is why I prayed so hard for her to be healthy and whole and the mother this precious boy needs. This is why I still wish she would be. I hurt so deeply for him.

I put him in bed with Trevor and I and he feel asleep quickly in T's arms. The bond they have is undeniable. I put my hand on his shoulder and just prayed for him, his sister, their grief and healing....that our family be able to create an atmosphere for them to grow into the people God's intended for them to be. I prayed that this little boy's pain be replaced with the love of Jesus and that he realize just how amazing and wonderful he is and that there is never a day that he thinks he did something to cause this. His pain made me feel so angry at her for not being enough. I don't know if after all this time he has figured out that she isn't coming back or why the sudden surge of grief but that's how it is isn't it? Grief. It sneaks up on you. You catch yourself crying in the middle of the grocery or at the song on the radio or some smell that reminds you of your lost loved one....

If you think of it today, please pray for my babies, for their grief, loss, healing. And while you're at it, pray for the 147 million other children that are mourning their families too and waiting for a place to heal.


Ellie said...

Wow... Jen that gets me teared up. Such pain that no child should have to face. Thankful, though, that he has you and Trevor to scoop him up and let him know that he is loved. Doesn't take away the hurt, but certainly helps him heal.

Beautiful Mess said...

I am thankful God has you in the childrens life to help then bear this burden.

Definitely praying! Wednesdays specifically-for orphans, widows and oppressed.

Thank you for your example--I desire more children and am praying specifically about foster care--but it scares me to death--and believe it or not you sharing: the good, the bad, and the ugly really HELPS!

All my love! Jen

Beautiful Mess said...

Okay--so you know I am new-so please forgive me if this is a stupid question but

what was the funny thing that happened on the way to Ethiopia?

Jen said...

Jen, no stupid questions;) In the beginning, when all this started, it was our plan to adopt from Ethiopia. We had the check sitting on top of our completed dossier to send to our agency when we got the call about P and L. We prayed and decided God was calling us to open our home to a child that needed one, it didn't matter where they were from.....and that is where our journey started. We were all about just staying open to the plan God had for our family and boy, did it look different from our own:)

Beautiful Mess said...

Thank you! That is sort of what I thought---but wanted to make sure!