It's been a tough time in the Harris Household. First the water softener went out which I believe was the beginning of the demise of the dishwasher and now not to be outdone.....the furnace had joined them. I woke in the middle of the night freezing and came to check the thermostat and it was 60 degrees in the house. By the time Trevor got up to go to work it was 58 and the reality had set in that we had major trouble. I loaded up all of the kids and we went to my parents for the day to be in the warmth. We left poor Trevor behind with a small space heater and some hot tea:) The man of my life was proud to fend the cold to protect his family. He even cleaned the bathrooms while I was gone:)
Let's rewind to yesterday. I sat and looked at our budget and our taxes and I was so thankful that for the first time it looked like we were going to be able to have an inch of breathing room and be able to get the dishwasher and the water softener our home desperately needs. God's sense of humor in my life often seems like something the Coen brothers would have written.
I can joke about it now. My first reaction was to cry. I know it is silly and I know my thoughts were unappreciative but I felt slighted. I felt like Trevor and I work so hard at trying to be good stewards of our time and finances and resources and that for just once, it would be nice to have a dime left over.....to be able to get carpet our house needs or replace the couches I've had since 1992.....it would be nice to not worry at the end of the month and to be able to have that emergency fund we dream of so that when things like this happen it doesn't set us back. I was beyond frustrated and hurt and just in general sick at the cost. I thought about all the people I know who seem to be so materially successful and have little room for God and I felt so tired of struggling. I guess in all honesty, I felt entitled. I felt like I had 'done enough' for God that He should want me to have carpet too. I know that's not how it works. I know that it was my frustration and my unfailing humanness. I know that it is ridiculous beyond measure but it is where I spent a good part of my day. And then a friend sent me a verse that I sent her just last week. Psalms 34:17...The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
And another friend emailed me to tell me that she thought we might need dinner so she was fixing soup for us and fresh bread and she would be bringing it over at 4.
And my husband calmly told me we'd be okay.
And my parents opened their home to us to stay warm.
And my friends prayed
and I meditated on the fact that it is only by HIS grace and He wants us to depend solely on HIM
and it wasn't long til I was singing that old hymn, "Jehovah Jireh, my provider, you are more than enough for me." I realize how God provides for our family. How he always has. How beyond blessed we are and how rich we are in comparison to the majority of this world.
Tonight we will sit in our family room on our 'throwback' couches around our little space heater and we will all be together and healthy and happy and I will thank God for the blessings in my life and I will praise Him anyhow....in spite of my stained old carpet and my broken dishwasher. I will remember HIS love for me and our family and that the cost He paid for me cannot be financed with no interest for a year like the furnace, it can not be measured or paid back and I can never ever do enough. I will remember that He blesses me in so many other ways that I just may be the richest woman I know. Take that furnace.