Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A tough day...

Today was a tough day for me. I got a migraine last night and it hasn't let up much. I called Trevor at work and he came home for me so I could lay down a bit. Trevor and I both stand firm in our decision and feel at peace with it but every few minutes or so it seems like we are questioning another point or idea but we end up coming back to this one.

I asked P and L three questions this morning. If they would like to visit with their other Mommy sometime soon, if they miss her and if they would be okay with living with her again and leaving our home......they answered yes to all three. Even though in an odd way it hurt my feelings, it made me feel at peace that they are not scared. They seemed to be more huggy today and would just come sit with me for no reason more. I'm sure they sense a big change coming.

We spoke with the originals after school today. Noah said he wants them to be ours and L is so funny to have around. They are best buddies. He looked very upset. Grace sat quietly with huge crocodile tears streaming down. I asked if she felt sad and she just shook her head and her little body shook. I held her and we both cried and I told her it made me sad too. Ava started bawling. We talked with them about loving the kids and MOM and how we have just tried to listen to what God wants from our family and we will always be here for the kids and it isn't written in stone yet and we were so proud of how wonderful they have been to P and L. How they have shared everything they have with them and loved them so well and showed them how to do things and been patient and just told them how great we think they are. We also talked about being excited for P and L if their MOM is able to be their Mom again and how special it is that our family could help with that. We told them to come and talk to us anytime they want to about their feelings on this.

It has all worn me out. The children will have their first visit with their MOM on Thursday morning. I know it will be best for me to be their with them and I will be their......next week. I just can't right now. I know myself too well and I am so emotionally spent that if I were to be with her right now and she would say something cross to me, well.....I just don't trust myself to be who I need to be. I have a feeling I would show her ghetto like she's never seen so I'm going to be thankful that I know my limits and let Safe families handle this one. They will meet with her for the next three weeks and as long as she has in place food, childcare and medicaid back up and running they will be returned to her February 1st. 20 more days with them......

Thank you all for your prayers. Our family is blessed beyond measure in the support and encouragement that is given to us.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jen,

We have really just met, and I don't know much about you or your family, other than Ava was in our 3s class last year and was so sweet. Someone turned me on to your blog in the last few days, and I don't know that whole story, but what I do know is that I admire you and Trevor for doing what you can for P and L, and how it is such an example to your own 3 kids. Not many people do what you are doing, and I find it so amazing. We are going through our own little struggle right now (loss of a job) and it just reminds us how much to lean on Him and praise him in sun, rain, snow and sleet. I pray for you, and maybe when both of our lives get back to normal,I can get to know you better. Praying for your family. Jer 29:11. Sarah Cleverly

Ellie said...

Oh, Jen! I cannot even imagine the feelings you are going through. Unimaginable. Praying for God's best for you and all your precious little ones!!!

As For Our House...We will serve the Lord. said...

Jen,
I have been meaning to comment for awhile now...but never seem to have the words (still not sure that I do). Over the last couple of months your blog has made me laugh, cry, think, pray....GROW. Your description of the emotions following your mission trip made me want to scream "YES!!!YES!!! YES!!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I FELT. EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT!!"

But above all, your heart to just be a faithful servant of Jesus....to be His loving hands and feet to these children....AND THEIR MOM.....has been the most amazing witness. I will tell you in person (the next time I see you) how your testimony has stopped me in my tracks a couple of times!

Anyway, for today I just really felt that I needed to finally chime in and tell you that I have absolutely been inspired and encouraged by your walk through this DIFFICULT season...and I have no doubt, absolutely NO DOUBT that God has and will bless your socks off for being so faithfully obedient to Him!!

:)
Praying for you. Often.
Michelle

p.s. and thank you for your sweet comments on my blog. i am blessed to know that you stop by! :)