Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The plan is set...

Thank you for all the prayers. It was a great lunch. I love working with an organization that helps families that starts all their meetings out with a prayer!! Trevor and I met with Safe families, Krista the head of the program and our new caseworker, Vivian. Krista has worked closely with MOM since the beginning and is agreement with us that MOM doesn't want the kids to ever think she didn't want them and because of that has not been able to sign them over to us. It is our belief that she fully loves them and knows she does not have the skills or ability to care for them and this has just been much harder to do than she had thought. She needs someone to blame or for someone else to make the decision. We also don't want the kids to be lost into the system so with all of those things in mind......we came up with a plan. We are going to file a legal petition for adoption for both children. At the same time, Safe families is going to try and locate MOM and tell her that they have asked us to move ahead with the adoption and that she has three options. First, she can quietly sign for P now and this will all be done. Secondly, if she wants them back they have a series of qualifications she must meet within three weeks time to prove her fitness as their mother. They include parenting classes, getting a bigger place for them all to live, securing childcare, etc. We will help her with any of that and begin preparing the children for a transition back to her. Her final option is to do nothing and we will see her at our court hearing for their adoption where I assume she will be able to contest it or not.

We feel those options allow her control, give her an out, or make her step up. It is the plan. So we have a call into our attorney and our waiting to hear how much this will cost and what it entails for us. We will hopefully be able to meet with her this week and understand the whole process more fully. It is our hope that MOM will just sign quietly but we are prepared to go to court and are hoping the expenses don't have to hold the process up.

We decided to offer MOM the oppportunity to visit with our family once a year at Thanksgiving time to celebrate the kids birthdays and how thankful we are for her bringing them into this world and for loving them so well until they could be with us. I think that will be easier as roles are more defined and it will just become our life. I want them to always be aware that she loves them and just wanted what's best for them. Safe families graciously offered us all the case notes so they can someday see how much she was struggling with this choice and that she was literally on the streets and could not do it.

It feels strange. I did not ever want to have to file without her consent because I didn't ever want to feel like I was taking them away from her but I see clearly now that she just can't do it. It is a step we feel we need to take for the security of these children.

It is my prayer that MOM would realize how fully we appreciate her and how much we want the kids to know about her and be comfortable talking about her and loving her and that she will not just be pushed aside. It is hard to convey that kind of love to someone who has never seen it. It is my prayer that MOM would realize that knowing her and being with her and having this information available to us is a treasure for adoptive parents. These exact kinds of experiences and information is what is missing for so many people that we feel like it is a huge blessing. It is my prayer that God's will be done and that MOM grow from this experience like we all have. It is my prayer that no matter what shape this plan takes, that P and L feel the love of Jesus and the love of our family wrapped around them. It is my prayer that our family fully realize the hand our Lord has had in hand picking our family and that through each challenge and struggle and each victory and celebration He is shaping us. Allow us to be like clay, Lord.

The past few weeks have been hard for me and it hit me this morning that I was trying to do it on my own again. Back in June I wrote an entry about needing an attitude adjustment...I know that may come as a shock to some of you...HA! When will I get it?! I realized this morning that I have been so tired that my sleep has become more important than my fifteen minutes alone with God each morning and my time has become everyone elses and I've forgotten that I NEED TO REFUEL MYSELF DAILY IN HIS PRESENCE!!!! If not, I am a crazy person. A total nutcase. I have been walking around sulking that I don't get help with such and such or no one listens to me or I am picking up after so and so again and I have been ugly and miserable and less than God needs of me, less than my family needs of me. I know there are things that have been stressful and I know there is alot on my plate but as I tell my children, just because we are tired or don't feel well, doesn't mean we can act ugly. So, I am getting back on track and really going to focus on seeking His plan for my day and remembering that it's not about me. He has entrusted so much to me and I need to step up. Any of ya see me acting up, smack me will ya?!

So for now, I wait for the call from the attorney. I wait to see if Safe Families can find MOM and what her reaction to 'the plan' will be. and as I wait, I will be in HIS presence and I will seek HIS face and be at peace in HIS love for my family.

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