This morning at church, Pastor Keith gave a great sermon on how to be a student of the word. He challenged us to set for ourselves the priority of not only reading the Bible, but allowing it to change your heart and in turn your actions. He asked what distractions we needed to get rid of to be able to focus on HIM. He wrapped up by referring to the song we had just sung, I exalt Thee. He asked what we exalted, what we put before God. And in my heart I believe I put God first but as I look back on 2009, I realize that by many of my actions, I put my family first. That may not seem all that wrong to some of you or it may even sound a bit noble at first thought.....she puts her family first....but this is what the problem with that is.
1.) My God wants me to put HIM first
2.) If I'm not dialed in to the word of God, I get burned out easily
3.)Eventually I feel unappreciated for all I do
4.)My attitude gets stinky
5.)I get tired and emotionally drained
I think many Moms try to do it all and be all for their family. I most certainly have. I love them, I want what's best for them, yadda yadda yadda. Somewhere in the midst of that though I have lost myself at times. The days I don't take the time to read my Bible because I just want 15 more minutes of sleep or one of the little ones wants on my lap to cuddle or another mess has been created or I just want to escape on Facebook....those days aren't good days. I am just off. The kids are off. It changes everything. I know my days are best when I start with some time alone with my God. It just works better. I handle the spill at breakfast better, the constant reminders it takes to get children out the door to school don't seem as annoying, and when the husband calls from work to check in, I can focus on him for a minute instead of feeling so flustered by life I don't have time. And then their is my little battle with eating....if I would only turn to the word everytime I felt anxious or worried I'd be a Bible scholar, a thin, hot Bible scholar;) I pray all day long. I am in constant conversation with my God but the days have been sparser lately of when I devote time to His word, I am ashamed to say.
This morning as I sang I exalt Thee, I felt it to the tips of my toes but when I reflect back on where I spent my time, hands down my family wins. and I love them. but I need them to be 2nd. I am a better me and a better mom and a better wife when I put our Savior first. In January I am starting a bible study with some friends on Balance in life and it couldn't be a better topic for me. This past year of adding two new lives to our family and having the most amazing God-filled experience of my life have taken a toll. I am ready for new perspective and new focus and renewal with my God. I am ready to truly exalt Thee.
It is my prayer that 2010 brings me closer to my God than ever before and that my heart and my actions will show the place I've given him as Lord over all. It is my prayer that He will chisel away all the distractions and that He give me a hunger for His word. That is my prayer for you as well.