Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Kick in the chest
I just got kicked in the chest. At least that is what it feels like. Safe Families called and MOM wants to have a visit on Friday. Please God, let this be the last time we have to do this. I went back over my post from the last visit and could throw up. But I am not going to let this steal my joy today. I am going to tell my Jesus that He has to take this lump from my throat and allow breath to enter my lungs and take this nausea from me. I will not worry. I am going to spend the next few days in constant prayer for P and L and their Mom. I will not feel bitter. I am going to pray this time is healing in some way and brings her peace in her decision. I am going to pray for these babies and the sadness and grief I know will come, for the anger and the hurt....for their confusion and readjustment into our family once again. I am going to be on my knees in prayer, on my face in prayer, sliding down the shower wall in the ugly cry prayer and through all this God....I hope you shine through, I choose to praise you through this.