Friday, August 21, 2009

Still trusting...

Got a call from Safe Families today. MOM called and is fine with the date we have given her to resolve this for the children. She said everything will be in place by then but she refused to say what that is. She will not tell us what she is planning or anything. Turns out she did not move, she is still at the same shelter and will remain there until her eviction on the 11th of Sept. unless she gets a job before then and then she can stay. She supposedly has secured a Pell Grant for school which would be great. She starts next week she said. The Pell Grant could allow her to get an apartment I guess. It is hard because I can't really trust anything she says obviously and I don't like these little mind games she tries to play so I am working hard at staying in the moment today and each day until the 15th. The caseworker told her that not telling us the plan is not acceptable that didn't seem to phase her. She explained it would be best to prepare P and L for what their future is going to be but she didn't really want to hear it. She explained that it would be nice for this family that has been loving her children to be able to prepare all of their children and themselves for what will happen and to pack them up or not and she still wouldn't say.

SO-I am just trying to breathe and pray and trust. I am trying to keep loving this girl and trying to silence these feelings of bitterness, anger and frustration with her. I am trying to surrender myself to wherever this journey leads but it is getting so hard to do. It just wears on me. I look at P and L together and they seem to be such a pair. I cannot imagine them separated. I cannot imagine them not filling up my house with their laughter and running and fits. I cannot imagine my children standing alone as 3 again. So many what ifs that I just have to stay in the moment and love them BIG now because it is all I know I have. I have to, for my sanity, just stay on today. They are doing so well. Now that school has started we are getting into a routine and more structure and it is working well for this busy crew. L and Ava will start pre-school soon. I think it will help him socially and developmentally. He struggles a bit with that so it may be a challenge at first. Trevor's aunt has been visiting for the week and she is wonderful. They are all enjoying her being with us and someone else to get attention from. That's the update. We are still in the dark. Still plugging along. I'm tired but hanging in there and trusting my Righteous, Omnipotent, Conquering King!

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