Today. Ten minutes ago, my phone rang and it is was Safe Families. Krista, our social worker, says M-O-M called and said she is ready to sign. Enter crying. Lots and lots of crying.
I don't want to get my hopes up but the plan is for all of us to meet with the therapist sometime next week and have him mediate an agreement of just how open this adoption will be, to define the terms that we can all live with. Then the following week, we will meet with the attorney and sign papers. We are going to need your prayers, y'all. I am going to really ask God what is best for these children and allow me to be open to what that looks like. I am hoping for no visits but do not think she will agree to that. I don't think she will stick around to follow through with any type of agreement anyway but I am not going to sign away my rights hoping that happens so I have to be prepared for something. I am thinking maybe she would agree to a couple visits this first year and then none or something......who knows. That is why the therapist will be good....to be objective and his emotions are not involved.
She also gave me her email address and said she would like to communicate that way and I could send pics, etc. I am totally receptive and willing to do that. Can the average person find out someone's home address with their email? She doesn't have our last name or anything like that. She isn't even certain the town we live in or any details. I just don't want her on my doorstep if I"m not expecting it. I love a surprise and for people just to stop by and all but I gotta draw the line somewhere:)
These two little loves could be my children! My forever children and I am blessed beyond measure. Please, Lord, let this work. Please Lord, let this arrangement be the best possible way for these two babies to heal and grow and develop and feel loved all around.
I am making a list of questions for M-O-M to answer. Things I think P and L will want to know someday. Any suggestions? What time of day was I born? Did I have a blankie or paci? What was my first word? all of that. When I think of all the empty blanks that I can't fill for them it takes my breath. I want to be able to give them as much as I possibly can about their lives until now. I want pictures and information and I am hoping to get even a hint of those things. All you adoptive families out there and adoptees have anything else I should try to record for them for when they are older and the flood of questions come? This is an opportunity that most families do not get and it could be a huge blessing to our children someday and I am thankful, so thankful that we might be able to get some answers for them.
Pray she sticks with the plan. Pray for her well being. She is getting kicked out of her current shelter and will probably bounce around from shelter to shelter and the streets for awhile. Pray for what our response to that should be. Pray for my family, that it be complete with the addition of P and L. Pray D-A-D isn't an issue.
Sorry for the endless babble but my mind is racing and all these emotions are just pouring out. Thank you, God, for putting me in the heart of Your will for my life. Thank you for stretching me. Thank you for this call.