Tuesday, June 30, 2009

less than 24 hours to go...

Trevor will be saying goodbye to his dad tonight knowing full well that he will never know him again. Knowing that his disease will progress while we are hundreds of miles away. Knowing that there is nothing his ''big son'' can do for his little dad. It makes my heart ache. He visited his mother's cemetery plot today and I'm sure was glad to be alone with his thoughts there. He went 'grocery shopping' because that is Trevor's favorite souvenier to bring back.....food from the homeland:) He called tons of times to ask the children's sizes over and over to make sure he got it right. He went and prepaid the utilities and took care of his dad's banking and legal issues. He misses us and I know cannot wait to get back to our little craziness but I know this flight out of Jamaica will be the hardest one he's made. I so wish I was there with him to squeeze his hand. My husband is a true gem and I cannot wait to see him.

I made it through the week. It wasn't that bad. Well, until Sunday. I think I hit the wall Sunday morning. It is always a chore to get all of us out the door for church by 8:30 but this Sunday we were down my co-team captain and it was water day for the kids. Which sounds fun but really just ended up being more work for mom. I just had no patience and felt lousy and Trevor called and was having a hard morning with his dad and I was overcome with it all. I felt like sitting on the bed and crying and just skipping church this once. But I knew it would fill me and I knew I needed filled:) So off we all went.I am so glad I did. Our worship team sang the two songs I mentioned this week...Lead me to the Cross, and I Surrender All...so you guessed it, I cried. I know it was not a coincidence. I cried and cried and even had to blow my nose in the middle of worship. My dear friend reached out and took my hand and I just really knew God was with me. Telling me I can do this and He will be right by my side as will my friends and family. That sad things and unfair things and crazy hard days will come but that is just to grow me and He has a plan and I just have to trust it. It was one of those awesome chills down your spine moments, heart filled with peace, God surrounding you with love and encouraging you and holding you up when you feel like you can no longer stand. It was just what I needed to fill me up. And I got to say thank you, Lord, for getting me here. Thank you for Trevor and his dad and the example he was to him. For these children and their loudness and laughter that fills my home. Thank you, Lord, for my amazing friends and their love. It is only through You. To God be the glory!

We have kept busy while Daddy was away. Made the time go quicker. Lots of park playing and picnic making and silly fun. Some crying and frustrations and runny noses and lost voices but we made it. We are all going to the airport tomorrow to get him. I cannot wait to see these five little faces when he comes walking down the hall and I cannot wait to see his expression when they all take off to be the first to hug daddy. I'll have to wait my turn. It won't be easy.

This week we were loved by so many friends and family. So many people praying for us and Trevor and his dad. Bringing food or stopping by to hang out and offer a hand. Inviting us to dinner or to play at the park. This is God's community at it's best. Can you even imagine what Heaven will be like? PARTY. OVER. HERE!!!!

Birthmom wants to see the kids this weekend sometime so I am not sure what that will look like yet. It kept me up most of the night and I think God gave me a plan. I'll have to share it with you all later because it was 3 a.m and I need to make sure this plan was from God and not my cold medicine:) LOL

Traveling mercies to my honey!

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