Friday, June 5, 2009

I want to go home....

Today we had our first home visit with Safe Families. The social worker was so nice. And just to prove God is in every detail, she and her husband are adopting from Ethiopia and using the exact same agency we are/were!!! She was great and we just talked and visited and want to keep in touch. She could not get over how good the kids were doing. She thought L seemed like a completely different kid. She about fell over when she heard him say ''please.'' She said she felt so happy for these kids and got all teary. P recognized her and asked her where her mommy was. I guess the last time she saw the social worker, she was there to take them from Mommy so she associates them together.

We had a great day of playing and naps. Great friends brought dinner over for us and another group of friends showed up with some watermelon and outfits for the kids. We are so blessed with our relationships in this life. We all walked down to the lake, fed the fish and had a snack. We looked like a parade going down the street. I felt like I should be waving and throwing candy! I love this big rambunctious crew.

When we were getting ready for bed, P said she needed to pray and sat down and just started praying, it was so sweet. They both talked about missing their other Mommy tonight and their other house. They asked to go home. How do you explain to a 2 and 3 year old that this may be their new home and new mommy and daddy?! So heartbreaking. I just hold them and tell them I know they do and I am so so sorry. That Trevor and I will love them and keep them safe and take care of them and we are glad they are here. Before these kiddos were here, I thought that if I ever heard that it would hurt my feelings or make me feel like I wasn't doing something right but it just made me hurt for them. It made me wish I could take the pain of their first few years of their life and replace it with all the love in the world. I wish I could somehow ease their grief and be enough for them. I wish they were mine from the beginning........but I know that this is part of their story, their testimony and someday just maybe someday, they can use it for the glory of God. I know that God chose the Mommy he did for them for some reason and she has done a great job loving them so far. They are wonderful kids, true blessings.

I'm hoping bedtime will get easier for them soon. If you want something specific to pray for, that would be great. I am not sure if that is when the craziness in their old house started or if that is just when you naturally want your mommy but it seems to be the most difficult time of day for them. Lord, bless these children. Take away their fears and replace it with your shield of protection. Wipe their tears with your loving hand and help guide their actions. Let them feel total love and acceptance here and no matter what happens, Lord, let them know You.....If this adoption takes place, open their hearts to their new family and new home. Help us to teach them an appreciation for what was and an acceptance for what is to come...Let them have joy.

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